Where have you had sex?
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Posted:Apr 13, 2010 6:23 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2010 3:21 pm
7245 Views
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At one time or another I am sure that we all have made out in a place that would not be considered a proper place for sex. Would any of you care to share a story about it?
Here I will share one with you. Once the hubby and I were on the way to his parents house and we were both very horny. So as we were driving down the highway I began to give him a blow job as he was driving, but soon I was so turned on that I took off my panties and slid his cock in my pussy and fucked him as he drove the car. You should have seen the looks we got from people. Talk about a happy ride.
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Do Good Anyway
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Posted:Apr 12, 2010 6:28 pm
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2010 9:51 pm
6544 Views
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People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be
shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.
What you spend years building may
be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have
and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
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I never seem to catch a break when it comes to vacations.
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Posted:Apr 11, 2010 10:04 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 7:50 pm
6437 Views
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I am beginning to think that maybe vacations are meant for others and not me. You see me and Mr. Perfect planned this romantic getaway up in the cascade mountains in a small and quaint little village called Leavenworth, which is in Washington. It is a village that is done in a Bavarian theme. Fantastic shops, great food and lots of fun to do.
Our 17 year old wanted to go with us and I figured what the heck, the husband had rented a townhouse with a bedroom upstairs and one down stairs, so I assumed that we would have privacy and there would not be a problem. Boy was I wrong!!!!
We get there late in the afternoon and check into the motel that had the townhouse. We get into our townhouse only to learn that it is not actually a true townhouse, it has a loft with a bed in the up stairs and a murphy bed down stairs. Great no real privacy!!!! OK I can handle this, I just need to be quiet when I have sex. I can get very loud when enjoying myself.
Well that first night went alright, the went to sleep almost as soon as she hit the pillow. So we had a our fun as they say. I slept great and woke the next morning with the husband at full attention. OH boy! Well I did not hear any sounds from the and figured she was still asleep. WRONG......
She could hear every bounce and creep of the bed and soon she yells up at us that we are scarring her for life. So we quit, hey I do have some pride about me.
I tell Mr. Perfect that it is over for the time and that we will have to find another time to make love. So he gets up and heads for the shower. I get dressed and am sitting on the bed still when Mr. Perfect yells at me to come to the bathroom quick. I am assuming that he wants to try it in there and I was not going for that. But instead of seeing him at full glory, I find him in a serious and life threatening way. He has varicose veins and will not take care of them as he should. Typical hardheaded German man, will not listen to anything that is told to him. One of those veins on his leg somehow ruptured and was spraying blood out like a fire hose.
I knew that this was bad, real bad. There was blood everywhere and it was pouring out of his leg so fast that it almost seemed unreal. I grabbed one of the towels that was hanging there and made him sit down as soon as possible. I applied the towel to his leg and held it there as tight as I could, but it was bleeding so bad that it soaked through that towel and I had to grab another one. I told him that it was serious and that I needed to call for help. He argued with me for what seemed hours, but in actuality it was a period of 15-20 minutes. I screamed for our to come upstairs because I needed help and she came running up there as fast as she could. I told her to go to the office and tell them to call for help. But Mr. perfect was freaking out because he was naked and did not want anyone to see him that way. I was not about to let go of his leg and I had the bring me his underwear so I could help him get them on.
He had covered himself with a towel so she did not see anything, but as soon as I attempted to get his shorts on, the blood sprayed me all over and I was covered in it. This scared the something terrible and all I could do was to tell her to get help.
By the time the paramedics arrived he had been bleeding for about 25-30 minutes and I had used almost 12 of the 20 towels we had in that room. I got it to stop just as they arrived to take over. One paramedic helped me to my feet and told me to go downstairs and clean off my hands and face. He then came down stairs and told me that I had most likely kept him from bleeding to death. This made me feel faint and I could see the look a fright on our daughters face.
They worked on him for a while and the butthead that he can be, refused to go to the hospital via ambulance. I was so pissed off, but there was nothing I could do. So they wrapped his leg and called the hospital, told the ER doc what as going on and he said that he needed to be seen as soon as possible. They helped him down stairs and he said that he would be there in a little while.
Yeah his little while turned out to be an hour. Mr. Perfect insisted that he needed a cup of coffee first, would not listen to me at all. I went up stairs and changed my clothes and came back down and told him to get up he was going to the hospital. He argued with me and gave me every excuse he could come up with.So I through my hands up in the air and told him that I did not care what the hell he did. I went back upstairs and cleaned the bathroom up and believe me it was bad. The blood had begun to congeal and it was a big mess. I am not talking a small amount of blood either, it was an area of 2 feet by 2 feet on the floor, the walls and tub was covered in it and it took me a good 30 minutes to get it up off the floor.
I went back downstairs and told him that he was going to the hospital and he was going now. So what does Mr. Perfect decide to do, well he has to pee now because of all the coffee, but instead of using the bathroom that is less than 5 feet away from him, he insists that he will use the upstairs one, the one I just cleaned. So he heads up stairs and no sooner does he get into the bathroom, he screams for me to come help him. I get up there and his leg is bleeding profusely, his shoe is full of blood and it is soaked through the dressing the medic puts on it. I quickly grab another towel and apply pressure on it. This man can be as stubborn as a mule and as dense as a forest at times. Soon there is a large pool of blood on the floor once again and I have begun to lose my cool with this man. I tell him that he has got to go to the hospital. So he agrees, but the stupid shit then begins to argue with me, he wants me to tie a tourniquet around his leg so the blood flow will stop. I refused because that is a dangerous thing to do, but he will not take no for an answer.
He insists that down stairs in the box of stuff we brought was a large roll of tape, I told him that he did not bring any tape. He knows better. So I run down stairs to the box and as I stick my hand into the box to move some stuff, my hand hits a hard metal object, I pull my hand away quick to see that it is a meat cleaver that he has brought with us, blade side up. For the love of God, his he crazy. Now you want to talk about bleeding, I take blood thinners and a bad cut could kill me.
I go back upstairs to the bathroom tell him there is no tape in the box and he is going to the ER now. The butthead still will not listen to me. By this time there is a pool of blood so big, you could swim in it. He makes our go down to the truck and get a roll of electrical tape so he can tie it around his fucking leg. Now talk about a dense headed man. So she goes down and brings it back up. Luck would have it, he could not reach the spot on his leg to tie it, so I wrapped several towels around it and then wrapped the tape around it so it look like it was a tourniquet. I then placed a plastic bag over his foot and made him go out to the truck. I pulled it up so he did not have to walk real far.
Got him to the hospital and the doctor said that she had been waiting for him for over an hour, he looked up at me and tried to tell her that I was too busy with cleaning the place up to take him. This is when our went into attack mode and rimmed him a new ass right then and there. She told the doctor that he had to have his coffee first and that he was acting like a baby and that he was an ass. The doctor looked at me a chuckled and said not the first hardheaded man she has treated. Then she looked my husband in the eye and told him that the paramedics had told her that it looked like a ax murderer had attacked him in the bathroom. They said that they had not seen that much blood except for in a major car accident.
I do not panic in situations like this because it does not do one any good, but sometimes the stress can be overwhelming for me and the next thing I knew, I could not breath, our had left and went to the waiting room and the doctor had stepped out of the room so it was just the two of us. My throat seemed to tighten and close like a vise grip was around it. Holy crap, here I am sitting in an ER and I am having an asthma attack. Just great..... amp; This is when the nurse walked in to see me gasping for air. Here is a sight to behold, the husband is bleeding like a stuck pig and I am turning blue because I can't breath. What a way to start a vacation.........
Now I know this sounds bad, but I was up and out of that ER like a flash of light, the nurse is telling me to stop, the doctor comes flying in to see what is going on and I am out the door before they could even grab me. I make it out to the truck and grab my inhaler and take a puff on the damn thing. I sit there for a few minutes and take another one, and sit back and close my eyes to relax and control my breathing and my emotions. I am pissed at the husband for putting me through this and I am more pissed at myself for letting it get to me like that. I hear a knock on the window of the truck and it is the young medic from the hotel. He asked me if I was alright and gave me a lecture for leaving the ER like that. Now I feel like a getting scolded for being bad. I explained to him that I was alright and that I just needed to get out of there for a few minutes. This is when he sees the inhaler in my hand and he makes me go back into the hospital with him. I show the doctor that I am fine and she informs me that they have sprayed the orchards with a pesticide and it is causing people to have asthma attacks and compound it with stress it can kill. I let them check me out and show them that I am alright.
Now as far as Mr. Perfect goes, he is on my shit list for acting like a brat, and to get even with him, while he was at the hospital, the and I went on a shopping trip to relax our shattered nerves. Cost him a pretty penny.
I will leave you with this, he will be alright, but he needs to have the veins on his legs fixed and he will get it done, I have had nightmares of waking up in the morning to find him dead because he bled to death while we were asleep. He has agreed to get the surgery done so this will not continue. THANK GOD.
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Never Argue with a Woman
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Posted:Apr 2, 2010 7:26 pm
Last Updated:Apr 10, 2010 9:43 pm
6843 Views
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Never Argue with a Woman
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside
cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up,
and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment..
For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
MORAL:
Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.
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4
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Had a stroke--Joke of the day.
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Posted:Mar 23, 2010 6:23 pm
Last Updated:Mar 30, 2010 3:20 pm
6266 Views
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Three old Ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Tilly, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.
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Is this mother out to do harm to these girls?
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Posted:Mar 18, 2010 1:12 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 7:50 pm
7524 Views
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I have a unique question here and I want straight out honest answers please.
A little back ground here first. My brother was with a woman and they had 2 girls. My brother and her split because she is a sex nympho. She will screw any person she can get a hold of. She married a man who she let molest the 2 girls. She told them if they said anything, she would hurt them. I and several other members of the family reported him for things like unwanted touching, violence. My nieces told me that he was doing things to them and when I reported it, I was threaten with being charged with making false statements. CPS never even looked into it until this past year when my nieces told a friend, who then told another adult.
He is now facing 16 counts of molestation, and has been in jail for 4 months, but because she is such a great lire she got away with it. She cried and said she did not know he was doing this shit to them. He is facing these counts on the 13 year old, even though he molested both girls.
So now she has taken to going to swinging parties and she is taking my nieces with her. Ages 11 and 13.
My 13 year old niece has informed us that her mother has offered her $1000 is she will get an IUD put in. OK so what do you think about all of this?
Frankly I think that the mother is so mentally ill that she would let men screw her because either she will get paid for it or because it is a turn on to her.
Is there any logical reasons for a 13 year old to have an IUD in the first place? She is not sexually active and we have been told that when she takes these girls to these parties, they have been touched by men.
Now I myself will risk getting charged with making this up, but I do not care. My brother is not sure what to do. She has custody of the girls, but she will not let them live with her and so they stay with my parents, and she will not let my brother have them. You see she is on welfare and get money for them. It is a real mess. He is a good father and loves them girls and it seems no matter what he does to help them, he get screwed.
I just want to hear from you out there on this. Thanks.
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A farmer and his sheep.
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Posted:Mar 18, 2010 11:48 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 7:50 pm
6363 Views
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A farmer buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool, chops, etc... After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant and phones a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down in the grass and roll around when they are pregnant.
The farmer hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means that he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try did not take and loads them into the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass.
"No", she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."
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Funny Joke of the Day
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Posted:Mar 18, 2010 11:38 am
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 7:50 pm
6411 Views
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Once there was a man with an extremely large penis, but, unfortunately, he also had a terrible stuttering problem, so he could never get a girlfriend. So he went to the doctor one day and said to him that he wanted something done about his stutter. The doctor replied that he would have to take off his penis to relieve him of the stutter. After a while the man agreed and had his penis removed.
After the operation he was a smooth talker, but now he couldn't get laid because he had no penis. So he returned to the doctor and tells him he would like to have his penis back, because he has a better chance of getting laid with a stutter than with no penis.
The doctor replies, "S-s-sorry s-s-sir, b-b-but I c-c-can't d-d-do th-th-that."
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Little Johnny once again
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Posted:Mar 17, 2010 10:29 pm
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2010 11:33 am
6449 Views
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Little Johnny walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her and quickly dismounts. Worried about what her has seen she dress�s quickly and goes to find him.
Little Johnny sees his mom and asks "What were you and dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You�re wasting your time," say�s Little Johnny.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.
"Well, when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
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Adult Joke of the Day
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Posted:Mar 17, 2010 4:54 pm
Last Updated:Mar 18, 2010 9:06 am
6748 Views
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In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft.
After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study. After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Canada, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46 and 2 cases of beer, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead...
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Free Toilet Humor
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Posted:Mar 17, 2010 4:46 pm
Last Updated:May 28, 2024 7:50 pm
5909 Views
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An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."
His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"
The old man replied, "It’s fart football."
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown, I’m ahead 14 to 7."
Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."
Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.
The wife looks and says, "What was that?"
The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides."
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